The Quiet Work of Recovery: What Autistic Burnout Can Teach Us About Rest

I’ve been thinking about something lately…

You know when you’re trying to figure something out - maybe a work problem or a big decision - and you keep turning it over in your head from every angle, but nothing feels right? You get stuck, frustrated, exhausted. Then eventually you give up, walk away, do something completely different… and the next time you come back, you just know what to do.

That strange moment of clarity - the one that arrives only after you stop trying so hard - isn’t coincidence.

For years I assumed that if I wasn’t actively thinking about something, my brain wasn’t working on it. But that’s not how it works. Neuroscientists talk about something called the Default Mode Network (DMN) - a network in the brain that switches on when we rest, daydream, or let our minds wander.

While our “task brain” takes a break, the DMN quietly joins the dots: replaying memories, integrating experiences, and reorganising ideas in ways we can’t consciously see.

From Rest to Recovery

And it made me think about our children who go into autistic burnout - the ones who suddenly can’t push through school anymore.

I’ve often said that it’s not physiologically possible for a child to learn when their brain is in survival mode. When the nervous system is flooded, the body’s entire focus is on safety, not curiosity or creativity.

But I’d never really thought about what happens after that - what recovery might be doing on a deeper level beyond simply “getting out of survival mode.”

Because if we think about it like that “step away” phase - the moment when the brain finally gets to switch gears and the Default Mode Network can take over - then the period of apparent nothing after burnout isn’t wasted time at all.

It’s the brain integrating, repairing, and reconnecting.

The Deep Work of Doing Nothing

When a child has spent months or years masking, absorbing constant sensory and social strain, and running on adrenaline, their task networks have been in overdrive. The DMN - the system that allows for reflection, imagination, and self-awareness - hasn’t had a chance to breathe.

So when they finally crash, it isn’t a choice or a lack of will. It’s the body saying: I can’t run this program anymore.

And when we let them rest - truly rest - that background network begins to switch back on. What looks like doing nothing is actually deep neurological work: integration, healing, rebuilding a sense of self.

Redefining Learning

Maybe that’s why so many of our children only begin to rediscover curiosity, creativity, and confidence once the world stops demanding things from them.

What if, instead of worrying about the time they’re “out” of education, we began to see it as part of education - the quiet, unseen processing that makes real learning possible again?

About Canary SEND

At Canary SEND, we work with families whose children are recovering from autistic burnout, emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA), and the wider impacts of unmet needs in education.

We help families understand their rights, access suitable provision - including EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than at School) - and rebuild a pathway towards safety, connection, and genuine learning.

Because sometimes, the most important progress happens in the quiet.